Two Gifts

I don't regret it

That is to say I do but 

for my life's two gifts

And though I give all

I won't give them up ever

and so am stuck here

Second is ok.

I give them first whole-hearted

and without regret

...but I do regret

and those become midnight toils

questions unanswered

If I called the cops...

If I wasn't so afraid...

If I was stronger...

It should be enough

to know that I DID protect

to know they won't know

Memories are torture

I barricaded my doors

bed pans in the room

"It's just a game, see?

We can't let him in the room.

Just wait for quiet."

"Hear say" it was called

It only happened one time

(afraid to say more...)

And so it repeats

what I couldn't say in court

again in my head

Not in words that shy

But unexpected floods

of sharp images

Not when I expect

But from nowhere -everywhere

It is happening

Three peaceful years went

He was treating them better

with half custody

I suppressed/blacked out

(many are gone forever)

-our... my memories

I left.  I have them.

They make all bad into good

And I did change it

I did it for them

They don't remember his deeds

but I am haunted