I've shared far too much/

In a glance or a weekend/

-but love is sacred

My body misses/

all the ways we wrap around/

Each other's torso

Jude

I'm more me with you/

Want to make you feel fulfilled/

Not sure why you do/

But you do me well/

And I'll give you everything/

If you want it all/

I enveloped you/

In my dream-wings this morning/

(Though I was surprised)/

I feel like the tide/

In your arms, while I'm sleeping/

In sync with the world/

I had angel wings/

Face to your chest, half awake/

(And I'm no angel)/

You are my reward/

I've worked hard towards my whole self/

And I deserve you/

I know my pure heart/

And I've known you forever/

Life... To get to you

Haiku free my heart/

Philosophy dusts my soul/

Religion Blinds me

How is my heart free?/

Bunny, ferret -dead and gone/

Left my children sad 

My home uncluttered/

By the hassle of y children/

A pms rage

I have met pure love/

Outside of my children's' lives/

At human level

We lose our loved ones/

Everyday life replaces/

Mundane must not win

There once was a girl/

Nay! A man from Nantucket!/

But I'll take her lot!

Oh vagina dear/

Fond of hard things and soft tongue/

Ode not the cock

Everything is gold/

At the end of the rainbow/

But the arc was weak

It's all been amok/

Hot sex, rough heart, bad feeling/

I smile in the rain 

Exploding fire wraith/

Piedmont in Medusa's lair/

...the eyes never closed

Lines from nose to chin/

Lack of smiling on my face/

Gruesome reflection 

I'm not fat, really/

Amazonian, perhaps/

My body is wild

Ebb and flow are truth/

Shore is Moon moving water/

Only walks survive 

I will be nothing/

Much as I always have been/

When my love matters

Why won't such great sex/

And a great relationship/

Have me together 

They should make a, "match"/

"Live in my kids' school district"/

Or I'll find no love

I self sacrifice/

All relationships of lust/

So my kids learn... What?

If I were more dull/

Satisfied, happy, content/

I know I'd die old

I think aliens/

From cheesy sci-fi sagas/

Stand a better chance

At a game with men/

One fired me, one lied to me/

Both cheated both beat

Stop looking at texts/

The one you want isn't there/

Neither is his call

I'm hardly empty/

I fill myself with poison/

Makes life bearable 

I may be pointless/

Maybe it doesn't exist/

Still, I pray for love

Tectonic plates moved/

My stone heart's light almost burned/

Fear made it ice age

I must still believe/

Or I wouldn't feel such pain/

God, let peace exist

Another pot head/

NOT who I want for my kids/

But he's good for ME

How does my mind write?/

After I'm sleeping or drunk?/

My heart screams the song

I have so much love/

But loneliness is greater/

And I want it all

He takes his love slow/

While I'm apt to give it all/

Maybe he's not him?

I left a haiku/

No draft or publication/

He didn't comment 

IF I had no kids/

Would I choose to really live/

Or let myself fade?

I love how planes fly/

Faster than the speed of sound/

But slower than life

I am so afraid/

Of all of my tomorrows/

I can hardly live

I think I know me/

Why do I falter in doubt/

When I DO know me

People really suck/

Friends stick close in spite of it/

Thank the fucking Lord

Fucking girl novels/

Ego, money, vanity/

How do I hate it?

I'd cut my heart twain/

If I could feel love again/

Emptiness remains

He is not the him/

My heart has searched all my life/

Why is hope so cruel?

I am not stupid/

I am naive, and hopeful/

And that will triumph

On the TV shows/

The bad girl gets the good guy/

Why is good so wrong? 

Broke down for a beer/

Switched my workout for salsa/

Cinco de Mayo

Okay with alone/

Just me and my fucked up heart/

Fear opening up

I take so many/

Photographs in my memory/

The pen is too slow

When God gave whispers/

My ambition overruled/

Until I was gone//

"Living" in blackness/

I felt what He was saying/

I didn't listen//

A possible man/

Who my heart is diving to/

Feels blessed -I'm fearless//

And this is one day/

Worth opening the full me/

Letting go the thorns//

I feel hope again/

Twenty years of wasted love/

May have been lessons//

I'm worth love I share/

I still have so much to give/

Lord, my heart feels him

Hope melts bitterness/

Letting it in takes courage/

God, help me be brave

I won't be surprised/

If I marry this stranger/

Because he gets me

Marriage Vows to a Lost Napkin

If Ben so and so/

Who I met two years ago/

November 2nd//

Could find me again/

At the BBC 'round ten/

I lost your number//

I've put too much thought/

Into a chance meeting there/

With my -then, blue hair//

I'm sure you've moved on/

I regret not risking all/

For you- a stranger//

It feels so naive/

But it's hope, not obsession/

That someone is there//

Accepts me for me/

Who turns me on by talking/

Can fight and love well//

Survive a dry spell/

Want to blend kids (though it's hard)/

Whose parents love me//

Do NOT worship me/

Find my inner beauty too/

NEVER pity me//

See me as I am/

Today is not tomorrow/

And I'll do the same

I need more lessons/

Life pumped holes in my visage/

I go back on stage

My voice once poured soul/

Youth singing too aged for time/

She seems so long gone

Crooning an ex-wife/

The drunk harmonica howls/

Lost in a past self

Drinking beer with Blues/

Wishing I were more noticed/

The perfect Sunday 

My friends won't judge me/

I want to be happy too/

Direction askew

My stimulation/

Intellectual banter/

But he lives so far

One night stand morning/

First experience relief/

I have no interest

Disappointment is/

A continuous cycle of/

Hope disguised as dreams

Too much investment/

This commodity of hope/

Sacrificial farce

The insomnia/

Categorized in breakthrough/

Desires a kiss

Will my children's lives/

Be for the worse, If he is/

Held accountable 

It must involve love/

Or there'd be nothing to crack/

Hell would be divine

Going to a bar/

For the four dollar burger/

Makes me an old fuck

The ferret farted/

From eating styrofoam plates/

Fat-free, painful pass

We become the dead/

Numbed in pain until our chests/

Scream out in pain caused

I am so afraid/

Nightmares of school and job -screams/

Will wake them up scared

I'd do all for them/

And I want to start over/

Does he hold ms back?

Nightmares of housing/

With parents or ex husband.../

I wish for no home

Quite accidentally/

I picked up the telephone/ 

And broke it all off

Climbing up mountains/

On the down escalator/ 

My legs keep the pace

Bills loosen forked tongue/

Manipulated babies/

Suffer far too much

My heart song was killed/

The strength in my voice is there/

Like a tongue cut out

My heart is beauty/

Although my face is pretty/

My mind is a mess

Puck is called "cupid"/

Shooting others in the ass/ 

With idiocy

I miss my Physh head/

Perhaps more than my whole youth/

He helps me be me

Drowning in the couch/

With chips and remote controls/

These bubbles don't float

I'm disappointed/

I think about it monthly/

The "relationship"

Worst relationship/

With the best guy in the world/

Years of confusion

Priestess, Christian, Witch/

Scripture, cards, runes, patterns, "mad"/

Will future be told?

How long must I fight?/

Are my screams anxiety?/

Is there medicine?

I don't trust actors/

Or Viggo would be my love/

I chose the wrong path//

Had I chose horses/

If I rocked a hard body/

Or trusted my voice//

But I'm the damn fool/

I prefer to wish my wants/

Avoiding futures//

I crawl to my death/

Internalized inferno/

With no hope at all/:

Nightmares remind me/

Awake is experience/

True sleep is the dream//

So I scream silence/

Hike cracking iceburgs by foot/

Pushing through frostbite//

And I'm empowered/

True love desires made holy/

By better choices//

My sleeping body/

Dormant in bored apathy/

Hunches in a frown

I am a matrix/

Alternate universes/

All in present state

Never tell your love/ 

Of dreams, hopes, desires, or want,/

He lacks himself there

I will not invest/

Life proved it all a vain lie/

Faith cannot exist

E.e. Cummings and/

Sylvia Plath. (Etcetera)/

Had the right idea

Spikes harden my soul/

They run along my back/

I am protected//

The crouched cadaver/

Wild beating heart still living/

Dichotomous self//

Present cannot live/

While impossible dreams thrive/

Hope makes all fall down

One thousand heart stabs/

Ten million whips to my back/

I would never feel

When I lost my kids/

Balance left the universe/

So I cannot live

If God wants balance/

Cares not for good or evil/

I may be just that//

So much of my life/

Forced into alternate death/

made out of balance//

Antibiotics/

Nothing helps me live better/

Antidepressants//

I am for elsewhere/

Desperately seeking presents/

That I should realize

God, supposed light/

I dare not move -I can't see/

My darkness is faith

I don't remember/

Stories my daughter tells me/

I can't uncover//

Protecting my mind/

Brain must be busy at work/

To hide my life's loves//

My children are hope/

I sacrificed life for them/

So why now, regret?

Doctors don't make clear/

Horrors of PTSD/

NOT remembering

Shoes

If I were size four/

Wrinkles never kissed my face/

-but shoes always fit

If organs would work/

Stretchmarks made me beautiful/

-my shoes shoes should still fit

If happiness stuck/

Life would fill holes in my soul/

-shoes go out of style

I was never "Friends"

"Seinfeld" survived episodes

I'd watch to fit in

Sci-fy holds my heart/

Fantasy brings my soul life/

The real causes death

Will the crying end/

My eyes never betray tears/

My smiles choke all down

My reality /

Regardless of how dreamlike/

Falls short of my hope

Coy self- flagellant

How ancient is the practice

That helped bring you peace

born a horse woman

heaven and hell welcome me

I swim the wrong way 

Rings anchor my back

Wings bound trapping screams within

Immobilized mind