My sleeping body/

Dormant in bored apathy/

Hunches in a frown

I am a matrix/

Alternate universes/

All in present state

Never tell your love/ 

Of dreams, hopes, desires, or want,/

He lacks himself there

I will not invest/

Life proved it all a vain lie/

Faith cannot exist

E.e. Cummings and/

Sylvia Plath. (Etcetera)/

Had the right idea

Spikes harden my soul/

They run along my back/

I am protected//

The crouched cadaver/

Wild beating heart still living/

Dichotomous self//

Present cannot live/

While impossible dreams thrive/

Hope makes all fall down

One thousand heart stabs/

Ten million whips to my back/

I would never feel

When I lost my kids/

Balance left the universe/

So I cannot live

If God wants balance/

Cares not for good or evil/

I may be just that//

So much of my life/

Forced into alternate death/

made out of balance//

Antibiotics/

Nothing helps me live better/

Antidepressants//

I am for elsewhere/

Desperately seeking presents/

That I should realize

God, supposed light/

I dare not move -I can't see/

My darkness is faith

I don't remember/

Stories my daughter tells me/

I can't uncover//

Protecting my mind/

Brain must be busy at work/

To hide my life's loves//

My children are hope/

I sacrificed life for them/

So why now, regret?

Doctors don't make clear/

Horrors of PTSD/

NOT remembering

Shoes

If I were size four/

Wrinkles never kissed my face/

-but shoes always fit

If organs would work/

Stretchmarks made me beautiful/

-my shoes shoes should still fit

If happiness stuck/

Life would fill holes in my soul/

-shoes go out of style

I was never "Friends"

"Seinfeld" survived episodes

I'd watch to fit in

Sci-fy holds my heart/

Fantasy brings my soul life/

The real causes death

Will the crying end/

My eyes never betray tears/

My smiles choke all down

My reality /

Regardless of how dreamlike/

Falls short of my hope

Coy self- flagellant

How ancient is the practice

That helped bring you peace

born a horse woman

heaven and hell welcome me

I swim the wrong way 

Rings anchor my back

Wings bound trapping screams within

Immobilized mind