Tomorrow is court
And I have no attorney
to keep my kids best interest

Why do you read these?
Help me know words mean something.
They are all I am.

It's time to start to
share the horrors of my day
Will that bring freedom?

Train-wreck or Goddess?
I am true dichotomy.
Can't make up my mind.

Read "TheThirteenth Tale"

Makes me want to teach without

the bile that follows

Sleep is a blessing
I should get friendly with it
-for good hours, of course.

My son missed first grade
It was his dad's day; s'dad called
I waited all day

Tomorrow I'm called
to court, without a lawyer;
against the devil

When I'm afraid, I
become a feral shadow,
consumed by angst's claws

The chink of armor
releases Pandora's box
deafening all hope

If I were to let
go of inhibition, I'd
NEVER stop screaming

Confidence is rare
It's not a size or degree
but a sincere self

A loop is a loop
Others' opinions are moot
I should trust myself

I rock my red hair
Confidence can get me where
I should get myself

I do so much good
but am too hard on myself
So not who I am

Must accept size twelve
at 175 lbs,
I'm five-foot seven

I am a cynic.
I should be more positive,
and make my own "break."

I've worked since age twelve
I am a useless lack of
confidence. This sucks.

Xenophobia;
mine is getting worse and worse
because I WANT out.

I just can't commit
to anything positive
and sadly don't care

I look like I've got
a prosthetic belly on
from a bad movie

175

Thirty pounds.  So depressing.

Went home. Ate cookies.

This afternoon was
much the same; I felt worthless
and doubted myself.

Swallowing my pride,
I try on some clothes. Not good.
Thank GOD there are shoes.

Last week I was blonde
Since, I've been "Manic Panic"
Now It's red/ dark brown

Do I brush my teeth?
Or does hygiene go astray
when breath gets funky?

Applied for ten jobs
Away from my comfort zone
And onto the world

I am completely 
liquidated; no cash flow
Life. It sucks ass.

My anger is huge
At you, others, even me
Ok, mostly me

I can write letters;
plan conversation like lines
of a fucked up play

I trust you above
anyone in this world, but
it's not enough now

Jealousy wasn't
much of a problem before;
It's caught up to me.

My effect on you.
I worry much about it.
I have drained you dry.

I want to take things
from you.  Take all my things back.
And give you your pride.

I don't feel stronger
with you.  Just complete failure.
It's not a good place.

Is it fair to break
whats been stagnant for so long?
I'm hung up on cost.

Where the fuck are you?
I'm trapped in hell all alone.
No. I don't want this.

Against all the odds
-just can't do it anymore
And I'm so sorry

We keep breaking up
My mind toggles with my heart
and I fear we're done

Why can't you love me?
It hurts so much when you run.
Left alone, I'm gone.

Your mother was right
I will never be your pride
My mother was right

I want to punch things,
stop harnessing all the blame
I am innocent

You tried for a while
then the phone-calls stopped, visits;
vicarious, gone

You are so selfish
It's always you and your son
There's no room for me

I despise you, love
Not even sure I want this
cry for second place

I hate you Jason
You made my shitty life worse
All I did was try.

"Electric Lava"
First "Manic Panic"in years
My base for brown hair

Call unemployment...
resubmit application...
Time to work my pride.

Interesting. Also:
neurotic, annoying and
undesirable.

I'm too poor for blonde
and too fat for sausage curls
too young for this grey

I'm a blonde with roots
and I HATE my boring brown.
Time for coco me.

I am a writer
and an unemployed teacher.
I'm a broken heart.

I saw a student,
she wanted so to take my
writing class. This blows.

If depression made
waistlines shrink instead of grow
I'm all for it

Would I sell my soul?
If it meant I kept my kids,
I'd consider it.

"Naked" is not "shame"
Educated women with
no alternatives...

Having fucked over
My dad with my ex's debts
I asked for money

My transmission kicked it.
Financial back-up's all gone.
Unemployment sucks.

I am completely
liquidated; no cash flow.
Life. It sucks ass.