The mirror shows that
my eyes are hollow again.
Maybe if I cried again?

Where do I run to
when I am unwilling to
utilize my legs?

I've gotten all of
my passions under control
-such vapidity

Instead of punching
(Because I'd go way too far)
I beat myself up

I play with makeup
well past the age of my youth
it helps me to hide

My life is over
and instead of my freedom
I hide in a hole

When do we become
shadows of a former self?
I can't remember

I never tried drugs
So afraid to get hooked
I was a smart kid

an alcoholic
isn't only a lonely
theory, but a fact

apathy despised
yet it's all that remains
so I drink off cares

It's my own fault that
I've become a "butter-face"
equivalent waist

writers don't need one
their words are supposed to be enough
but I miss size six

my waistline's vanished
c-section scars and stretch marks
replace declined youth

It's finally set
into my skull via bank
account is empty

vodka for breakfast
some beers to swallow down lunch
whiskey for dinner

Without my children
I am nothing.  With them I
achieve everything.

To die is easy
it's the living that kills me
I have one purpose

Arthritic fingers
once clung to mountains and cliffs.
A key-stroke? Death.

splintering rib cage
-some think it's a heart attack
but it's only pain

We feel the mass of
emotion under our skin
slinking like slushed sludge

Seeking my lost voice
a once powerful gift, now
it screams in silence

tracing my veins I
use my eyes to see lines
roots of all being

when will the lightening
pour down in radiant light,
strike me "Frankenstein"

It's not a good day
I've ended starvation cured
disease I can't feel

I beg for my time
yet in its emptiness there
-sad, melancholy

Combustable lines
jagged, haphazard, simple,
held within a cage

What do we reach for
when "care" no longer applies
to our loathsome sloth?

rocking, rocking, soothe-
petting my hair to say, it's
ok... but I know

My shoulders tense up
Swelling throat muscles starve me
gasping, I reach for...

Unrealized, failure
is nothing to worry on;
but I am aware

Studying with an
anxiety disorder
gives way to panic

Christian drew my blood.
Her love and trust helped me cry.
She saved me today.

Commitment scares me.
Responsibility? dead.
And I'm getting fat.

Great bargains out there
I spend maniacally
not needing a thing

I get Sylvia
-not the great poet; the mom.
I am her illness.

New glasses help me,
not only to see, but to
see truth; with my heart

Magical fingers
dance across the keys and bring
me to my full self

How natural it feels
to sit and write and query.
Pressures fade away

Stronger than Xanax
Even better than a pint
The joy of writing

Today I wrote and
applied for writing jobs and
was happy for once

Anxiety rules;
my system needs renewal,
-no more reading now.

In the coffee shop
Drowning in regret. The job.
Is this a mistake?

Being creative
happens when I need to work
-THAT's constipated.

Strawberries grow green
after the vine is severed
waiting in my fridge

Boxes become meals
Tables pile up with papers
Recycled memories

In the beginning,
I was a rock-climbing god
Now I'm hardly -5

When paddle boarding
don't hang on with your toes, and
remember to stretch

Kitchen timer screams,
telling me when I should stop.
"Should;" -so relative.

Masochistically
setting the bar out of reach
I fear beginning

Waiting takes too long
I know that as soon as I'm
started, I'll have to-

Never-ending rut,
why can't I just get started?
I've always worked hard...

Who could start working
when they have a teeth cleaning,
not me, that's for sure

My brain is "dial-up"
I hardly connect to this
-but I can sell it

Ode to microchips
that someday will implant this
info to my brain

Learning to read law?
SO much easier than this.
I could read cases!

Procrastination.
This material's not fun.
Getting licensed?  AAAAGGGHHHH!

Bed, bills, exercise;
dishes, applications... check!
legal work. Study.

With so much to do
Having already done much
STILL leaves much to do

I don't believe I
Shall get any studying
done... et,cetera...

To grow sunflowers
One needs plant less than a pack
for the deck to hold

The greater import
the better the distractions
tweet, blog, draw, sing, run!

When I know I "should"
I stop, panic, freak out, then
decide; well, do I?

So many headaches
barometric pressure builds
to cascade as rain